Angry Aardvark - cucumber martini covered with shaved walnuts
Bile Bomb - moonshine derived from fermented nail polish remover
Crack of Dawn - a scrambled egg infused whiskey
Danish Prince - ale with a jigger of faux-poison
Evil Queen - absinthe with a rotten apple in the bottom
Farmer's Aid - corn and dandelion liqueurs with milk straight from the udder
Glasgow Smile - scotch with grenadine syrup drizzled over the top
Highland Mary - (as long as we're in Scotland) scotch with a minced thistle and a pinch of smoked haggis
Icelandic Childhood - a vodka popsicle with a frozen sardine inside
Jiminy Cricket - chartreuse with a tiny top hat and cane floating in it [the drink also comes with a little sound recording (which is activated when the bartender sets it in front of the customer) of Jiminy Cricket singing "and always let your conscience be your guide!!"]
Kremlin Kiss - a shot of Stoli rimmed with Revlon 'Really Red' lipstick
Lent's Reprieve - vodka, ashes, and palm frond
Mink Stole - gin with an appetite suppressant dissolved in it, garnished with a baby tooth
Notional Nightcap - the drink you wish you were drinking in the comfort of your own home while you are instead at some awkward or tedious social affair, dead sober
The Obituary - jägermeister and sambuca with a dash of India ink. traditionally served in a brandy snifter while the bartender plays a short dirge on a three-stringer violin
Peaches on the Beach in the Summertime - Sunny D with peach concentrate, tequila, and a dash of sun tan oil
Quentin's Crisp - pink champagne and apricot nectar with a Belgian waffle balance on the top of the glass, anchored with the obligatory paper umbrella
The Rum Tum Tiger - rum in an orange peel
The Sidler - dry vermouth and cooking sherry sprinkled with dandruff and warmed in a turtleneck-shaped mug cozy. a handful of coins is tossed in the bottom, which makes it harder for the drink to sneak up on you. served in a heart-shaped glass.
The Texas - a boot with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a rattlesnake in it
The Undertaker - goldschlager with just a touch of embalming fluid, lit on fire and taken as a shot
Very Special Ladies' Tonic - pink champagne with chocolate covered diamonds
Wandering Jew -- manishewitz with swizzle stick made from shoelaces belonging to a fifteen-year-old boy
Xoxo -- cranberry juice, strawberry juice, gin, and confetti
Yo' Mama - creme de menthe on a lace doily, served with a smack upside the head and two oatmeal raisin cookies
The Zelda -- a teacup of bootleg mystery liquor and a one-way ticket to the nearest mental asylum
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