Wyatt Berry Stapp Earp (March 19, 1848 – January 13, 1929) was an American farmer, teamster, buffalo hunter, officer of the law in various Western frontier towns, gambler, saloon-keeper, miner and boxing referee...He is also noted for the Earp Vendetta.
Emily Kyle Flannery O'Connor DeBusk (Dec. 22 1984-??) is an American tragic-comedienne, loner, Churchboy hunter, editorial slave of the last remaining Encyclopedias, rambler, squirrel-keeper, whiner, and Poppycock founder...she is also noted for the DeBusk Vendetta, a swift and decisive banishment of her sworn enemy Moany McSidler, a confirmed Creepy Guy.
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Kaspar Hauser (30 April 1812 (?) – 17 December 1833) was a mysterious foundling in 19th century Germany famous for his claim to have grown up in the total isolation of a darkened cell. Hauser's claims, and his death by stabbing, sparked much debate and controversy. A now discredited theory linked him with the princely House of Baden.
Molly Pohlig (6 July 1976 -- (?)) was an ungainly changeling switched for her parents' rightful daughter in Richmond, Virginia. She grew up in a world of her own that has never been fully penetrated by the numerous experts who have studied her life. She claims to have the power to become invisible, although this power is not said to be completely under her control. At some stages it has been postulated that she has some talents in the field of creative writing, although this is generally discredited as a rumor.
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Jeanne-Antoinette Poisson, Marquise de Pompadour, also known as Madame de Pompadour (29 December 1721 – 15 April 1764), was a talented and beautiful lady who exerted strong cultural, intellectual and political influence at the French court, and was the official maîtresse-en-titre of Louis XV from 1745 to 1750.
Emilia-Cecilia Croissant, Marquise de Busque, also known as Madame de Busque (22 December - TBA) was a fierce and opinionated lady, given to frequent bouts of shrieking, who exerted strong cultural, intellectual, and political influence at the lunch table, and was the self-appointed, imaginary maîtresse-en-titre of Le Stupide Garcon d'Eglise XLII from September 17, 2009 to September 18, 2009, notwithstanding said Garcon d'Eglise's excessively godly reluctance to acknowledge her, let alone have an imaginary maîtresse-en-titre.
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Simone de Beauvoir (January 9, 1908–April 14, 1986) was a French writer and philosopher. She wrote novels, monographs on philosophy, politics, and social issues, essays, biographies, and an autobiography in several volumes. She is now best known for her metaphysical novels, including She Came to Stay and The Mandarins, and for her 1949 treatise The Second Sex, a detailed analysis of women's oppression and a foundational tract of contemporary feminism.
Mollie le Pauligue (July 6, 1978-- ) was an important yet dreary French theorist, imaginist, and daydreamer. Her prolific and celebrated writing career existed mostly in her head, where she won numerous awards for her epic novels and best-selling experimental works. In her mind, she is most remembered for the brilliantly received novels The Lonely Japanese Girl and The Poppycockian Way, as well as the iconoclastic 2009 work, The Second Date: Why It Will Never Happen Unless There is a First, which demanded that imaginary young women everywhere throw off the chains forged for them in romantic comedies, largely through a strict regime of awkwardness, wistfulness, and random violence.
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Hildegard of Bingen (German: Hildegard von Bingen; Latin: Hildegardis Bingensis; 1098 – 17 September 1179), also known as Blessed Hildegard, Saint Hildegard, and Sybil of the Rhine, was a Christian mystic, German Benedictine abbess, author, counselor, linguist, naturalist, scientist, philosopher, physician, herbalist, poet, channeller, visionary, composer, and polymath....She wrote theological, botanical and medicinal texts, as well as letters, liturgical songs, poems, and the first surviving morality play, while supervising brilliant miniature Illuminations.
Emilegard of Elkgen (German: Emilegard von Elkgen: Latin: Emilegardis Elkgensis; 1984-N/A), also know as Blessedest Emilegard, Most Serene Emilegard, and Spinster of Plum Creek, was a confused Christian mystic-wannabe, American omni-denominational statistic, writer, listener, malingerer, snail-watcher, wordist, saint-in-theory, plant-waterer, limerickian, impressionator, gesturist, whistler, myopic visionary, stick figurist, and polymath...She wrote theological, botanical and medicinal text messages, as well as emails, nonsensical songs, poems and the first surviving spam-inspired choose-your-own-adventure series, while committing brilliant drunken doodles on the bathroom mirror.
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Gudrun Ensslin (15 August 1940 – 18 October 1977) was a founder of the German terrorist group Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion, or RAF, also known as the Baader-Meinhof Gang). After becoming involved with co-founder Andreas Baader, Ensslin was influential in the politicization of Baader's voluntaristic anarchistic beliefs. Ensslin was perhaps the intellectual head of the RAF.
Die Mölly Pöhlig (6 July 1978--unavailable) was a founder of the militant arm of Der Pöppycöck literarisches Unternehmen (or PLU, also known as der einsamen Mehlklöße Gruppen, or Lonely Dumpling Gang). After spending years nursing an infatuation with financial mastermind Herr Denning, Pöhlig was instrumental in the guerilla literary tactics which saw Pöppycöck's work published in a number of influential daily international newspapers. She was arrested numerous times for graffiti at the houses of bestselling authors whom she deemed unworthy, for the notorious destruction by petrol bomb of an entire warehouse of chick-lit, and for drunkenly attempting to serenade Herr Denning with an accordion from beneath his balcony, clad in nothing but lederhosen. Pöhlig perhaps was the instigator of a worldwide return to serious literature.
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207 BC: Chrysippus, a Greek stoic philosopher, is believed to have died of laughter after watching his drunk donkey attempt to eat figs.
2009 AD: Emilippus, an American silly person, is believed to have died of laughter after listening to her drunk friend Molly recite her "Fat Molly's Bordello" routine.
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162 BC: Eleazar Maccabeus was crushed to death at the Battle of Beth-zechariah by a War elephant that he believed to be carrying Seleucid King Antiochus V; charging in to battle, Eleazar rushed underneath the elephant and thrust a spear into its belly, whereupon it fell dead on top of him.
2009 AD: Mollia Pohligamapolous was smooshed to death by a rush hour number 5 express train at Grand Central Station after her friend Emilias Debuscimus decided to play a practical joke, pretending to throw Pohligamapoulous' Benetint lip balm onto the tracks. Debuscimus was unaware of how strongly Pohligamapoulus felt about the lip balm, and upon seeing the untimely demise at her unwitting hands, ran across the platform and threw herself underneath the approaching number 6 local train.
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